whenallthatisuglybeginstolookbeautiful

I've never been so sure of anything. I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear, and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about. And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level. It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark- just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before. For the first time in my life, I don't want to run away.

wedon'tknowwheretogowedon'tknowanymore

Yes you're worth it
SCREW WHAT THEY SAY

Too Much

Rest in Peace

Dennis Hopper
May 17, 1936 – May 29, 2010

favoritethingsisawtoday

Ninja Panda VS Kung Fu Bear

Gross

Looks Like Someone Has Pink Eye

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

andthequestionis,wasimorealivethenthaniamnow?

I wonder almost every single day why you made it so that certain things could never be expressed, whether that be by words, paintings, music, etc. I wish I could save everyone and everything, even myself. I wish I could save myself from falling into deep plunder where I only bask myself in fear, anxiety, loneliness and frustration. I wish I could save the people I love most--my family, from falling into their habitual sins just as I do mine. If I could pick, I'd want to save them first because I would rather suffer and see them all happy instead of the other way around. I wish I could save my dad from drowning back and forth between himself and his inexorable mind. I wish I could save my sister from her pre-determined suffering and getting lost into self-depletion. I wish I could save my mama from feelings of despair and fear from burden, and losing control. I wish I could save myself from hating myself for not being able to help any of them on my own accord, for beating myself up for feeling inadequate as a daughter and sister and person. But mostly I wish that I was even half the person was wishing I am right now; I wish that I could let these people know that I love them more than all of the obstacles I've overcome. This writing all feels purposeless and all talk because it's true. When the one's I want to know won't know, what's the point of writing this anyways? To people I love. I wonder why you made this such a challenge for me. I wonder why I can be the friendliest person to others or I can chalk up a conversation with strangers in the elevator, but I can't do what matters. When me expressing my concern and love could possibly save us. Why aren't there enough words, enough ways, enough methods to get my inner most emotions and thoughts OUT? And in the end, all of this makes no sense...again...because it's wrapped up in this blog text box...and my heart is nothing close to replicating a mere technological blog text box where I push submit.

OBSESSION.

"A circumstance in your naked dreams, your affection is not what it seems. You're an obsession, you're my obsession." Obsession by ANIMOTION

Oye.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF

1. nearly blind as a bat.

2. can sound like a trumpet just by using my teeth.

3. literally obsessed with megan mullally. size 6 foot. ears pierced at age 45.

4. love the life i live.

5. enjoy people watching. we are funny creatures.

6. terribly scared of mayonnaise. i just do not like it. literally afraid of it.

7. believes anyone is capable of falling in love with absolutely anyone

8. sister died. 1996-2002. most people are afraid to ask. please don't.

9. acid reflux. i can still sing. i don't know why ashlee simpson couldn't.

10. before i got to sleep every night, i take 30 minutes to daydream.

NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT RECENTLY

1. wanting to stay in high school.

2. finish redecorating my room.

3. think i might be falling for the wrong person.

4. can't wait to go to san francisco again.

5. need to stop stresses over nothing.

6. megan mullally is performing at the oc performing arts center in october.

7. where the shizzle is my nail polish?!

8. prom is coming in two days. interesting.

9. i fall for people way too easily.

EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART

1. kindness.

2. passion.

3. believer.

4. story teller.

5. writer.

6. loyalty.

7. simplicity

8. makes the perfect red velvet cake.

SEVEN THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO FORGET.

1. lola serena (grandma). the one who inspires you.

2. where gabrielle (sister) remains.

3. where i came from. my humble start of life.

4. ms. alford, ms. johnson, ms. batchelor. teachers who actually taught me something.

5. my tight-nit family.

6. my beliefs on God, rights, and politics.

7. i once wanted to be a stripper.

SIX THINGS YOU ARE OBSESSED ABOUT

1. marlene dietrich

2. shaved heads

3. veins

4. naked bodies

5. hand lotion

6. hands

FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

1. you're caring about the wrong things.

2. i like you a lot but you're a bit too complicated.

3. i know i said this already a million times but i love you.

4. sorry i was allover you last saturday

5. i'm going to cut your face off and staple it over mine.

FOUR WEAKNESSES

1. hand massages. oh...my...goodness. only a few can do that to me.

2. pinching my chicken. the bit of skin on your upper arm..same effect.

3. real chicken. baked. fried. whatever. you make it, i'm there.

4. showtunes. chicago. mary poppins. elaine stritch. bernadette peters.

THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF

1. dark

2. porcelain dolls

3. mayonnaise

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. shave my head.

2. spend a whole day with meryl streep.

ONE CONFESSION

1. I cherish the opportunity to hear myself speak

"It's never too late to be who you might have been"
- George Eliot

You Were Dead Before You Were Alive

I have always classified myself as a hopeless romantic. I'm a dreamer who has the tendency to stumble straight into her dreams and then fall out of them right onto her face. Falling in love has never been my problem. My problem is simply that I get carried away far too easily.

It's not that I don't have standards, because I do. I know what I want and if someone can't give me that, then I don't bother. However, I keep finding people who meet my standards and whose standards I meet as well, but it never feels right. Something always happens and they get attached to the point where things progress too soon and I end up falling out of what I thought was the right thing.

In the end, I'm back where I started...looking for that dream again.

ever pure ever illuminated ever free

heavy eye memories and tired thoughts

Kathy Simonetta

I am going to cut her hands off and attach them to mine...
and yet I think she can still use her blood from her nubs to create a masterpiece.

Dear Nicole

This is Jean Nicole from US of A. Thanks for the questions. I've got the answers.

Q: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

A: I would have to say popcorn because it's a triple threat. It's salty, essential to the movie viewing experience, and it's entertaining to listen to while being prepared.

Q: I think my neighbor wants to date me, but I'm afraid to turn him down because I'll have to see him all the time. What should I do?

A: Move, girl. It's more expensive, but what's a couple of million dollars when it comes to your emotional well-being?

Q: What are your favorite songs to sing when you do karaoke?

A: To be honest, I'm usually not in a singing mood while I'm being intimate.

Q: What are your favorite rainy day activities?

A: Sometimes I'll record an album, other times I'll catch up on sleep, but mainly I like making pudding. It gives me a chance to show of my doily collection.

Q: If Ms. Batchelor and Megan Mullally were boxing against each other, who would you root for?

A: I could not root for neither one of them nor could I attend such an event. (But if you give me $20 I could tell you who to put your money on.)

Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.

foreals muthafucka not fofakes

stay strong. be brave...

Why are you so far




a w a y.

and I thought you were different...

The Other Hollywood

Not sure when you stop thinking dandelions are beautiful, but figures it’s somewhere around the time you get a job & can afford lawn chemicals.

The Comfort of Familiarity

Mustang Julie

To the person who makes me laugh the hardest and shows me unconditional love and support. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! x

Thanks for raising me to not be a whore

I Love You

Icon of the Week: Moms

Why: Let’s get this out right now: my mom is THE SHIT. Hopefully your mom comes close, but I doubt she lays down what my mom does. Luckily, there are a ton of great moms, showing us what “fabulous” really, truly means.

WORK:

YES.

DUH.

SURE.

EHHH…..

We’ll leave it at that.

Do They Rise to Icon Status? Yes, because they’ve helped YOU rise to your own full potential. Maybe she gave you the money to buy the tap shoes Dad wouldn’t let you have. Maybe she memorized all the songs to “The Little Mermaid” with you. Whatever she did, it was for you.

They really want what’s best for their baby. If you think about it, “divalicious” and “maternal instinct” are really the same damn thing.

This Sunday, forget the flowers and the cards. Take the time to see her, call her, whatever you need to do to let Mom know she’s a true, 3-snap, go-’head-girl kinda woman. Because if she had you, chances are that’s one sparkly, day-glo uterus.

Killing the Blues

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

It's sensational and I can't stop thinking about the actress playing the coolest female hero. Beautiful. Seriously crazy good.

I don't like you anymore. Not necessarily.
I do. You are just a very sneaky person.
Playing games.
I don't do that.
Bye.

Work.

Pffttt.

This is the kind of candle you should light when you're trying to seduce me.

be honest.

My Heart Burns Again

When Dylan Forsberg, (ex)model, photographer living in New York picks up a camera he's not afraid to experiment with light and analog cameras, what makes him interesting to me is that he's not afraid to take very personal, often dreamy photos of his friends without censorship.